How Precious Life Is

I read this amazing post today from Good Golly Miss Holly. She has inspired me to not take life for granted and truly enjoy, believe and be conscious by the great things I already have in my life. I dwell on the negatives way too often. Some things I have absolutely no control over.

Ke Sera Sera.

The devastation in Queensland with the flash floods left me numb. I am protected by living in my humble abode in Sydney with only my TV to relay the news of what has occurred. I will never comprehend how it feels to have your home brutalised and destroyed. Your possessions tossed like rag dolls and mushed in a pile of muggy muddy shit. I never want to feel the grief of an untimely death of a loved one. Someone precious in my life.

The depredation of this beautiful state has contrived me to ponder an issue that has been disco-dancing in my head for an enduring time. An issue so infinitesimal to what has occurred in Queensland but a connection nonetheless. I've been meaning to write a post about One Child Families. A situation more than likely to be my fate as a mother. I have extensively laboured over this issue. Will Callum be an only child? How will this affect his life? 3 factors rule this decision. Yes it is a decision - although I think I still have a functioning reproductive system, these factors still contribute to the finite conclusion. Financial, Physical and Mental.

Financial - Shooter and I are not 'well off'. I work part time and contribute to the household income. A job I enjoy and I am proud to have. Adding a second child will mean the possibility of not having a second income or a whole lot of added pressure to my ageing mother who already looks after Callum on the days I work. Physically I'm getting older, turning 38 soon. This only signifies the impending doom of old decrepit woman sitting on a porch chain smoking  decline of my reproductive system and the high risk of a child with disabilities being conceived. As well as my war against fat, diabetes and the overall dissolution of my health. Ultimately, "mental" has several hands. I aint no looney (some friends and family may disagree) but there's No. Fucking. Way that I have the strength to tackle IF again. I duly crown those mighty women who battle secondary infertility. One I've met recently, her blog - InfertiliTEE - you are a LEGEND darling and bloggers she is in need of some hugs today. I will not, I can not, I shall not go down that path again. My journey ended with Callum. And fuck off to the ones who might think about commenting that the second one might come easier. There is no truth to that old-wives tale, just ignorance and wishful thinking.

The connection you ask? As Shooter and I are lowered into the ground, a Greek poem by Homer is read and bagpipes playing in the background of a quaint little church. Our dear son farewells us - who will be there for him? There have been no siblings to play with him, no brother to share first base stories with, no little sister to rescue from her first boyfriend. Some distant cousins who don't give a flying fuck maybe. A community comes together to help each other in need and to lift each others human spirit and then they go home. But "a family is the most important thing in the world", Princess Diana once said.

Hope comes in various manifestations.

I hope Callum understands why his god-sister is the closest to a sibling he ever had. I hope he acknowledges my struggles and frustrations with this selfish controversy. I hope he finds someone who loves him completely, passionately and deservedly. Fundamentally, I hope he strengthens our family.

I will not let this issue consume me. I will be grateful that I at least have a child. I will be guiless in the beauty and achievements I have. I will love unconditionally. I know how precious life is and will never denounce it.

What will be will be.

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What are your thoughts on One Child Families?

Have you been in this situation?

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To donate to the Queensland Flood Relief Appeal - Click here