"Just Relax" - (Lest I Forget)

National Infertility Awareness Week 24-30 April 2011.

I humbly present to you my submission for the Bust an Infertility Myth Blog Challenge. If you would like to participate, go here.

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I remember my kitchen floor quite well.

It has grey/white tiles with fancy swirls. It's hard and cold. There are a few small cracks and chips on some of the edges, little consequences of clumsiness with saucepans and hammers. There are also stains from nights of spaghetti bolognaise meals and a carcass of a cockroach still lingers.

I remember my kitchen floor. I spent many times lying on it crying. I waited all day to cry. Waited for the husband to leave on his errands so that I wouldn't involve him in my despair. My spirit cracked from a loss of courage and hope.

I waited 6 whole arduous years. I cried for 6 whole disheartened years.

Infertility Fucking Sucks.

I remember my fertility specialists rooms quite well.

An old federation house set in a leafy tree lined suburb. It's award winning gardens livened with brilliant colours of red, pink and yellow roses nestled amongst the magnificent purple hydrangeas. Inside the waiting room the attractive furniture invites you to sit on its Italian imported leather and dark oak lounges and chairs. In her consultation room a glorious Japanese Kimono hangs behind her like a Queen ready to address her subjects. The nursing stations are separated by fish tanks with various tropical fish swimming happily ready to greet you.

I remember my fertility specialist rooms. I spent 3 years as a patient undergoing 3 in uterine insemination's, blood tests, laparoscopy results, 2 IVF cycles, 3 frozen embryo cycles, urine tests, hormonal tests, ultrasounds and what the hell happened controversial discussions.

3 painful, anxious yet hopeful years of hormone injections in my stomach. Ultrasound dildo's modestly inserted in my vagina. Follicles galore, embryos grown in a petri dish, ovarian hyperstimulation, crazy moods and embryo transfers. Guilty and heartbroken feelings of watching the husband 'off his load' embarrassed and distressed in a darkened room with naughty magazines.

6 whole formidable years of pregnancy tests that came back negative. No explanation apart from a diagnosis of endometriosis that may have contributed to the outcome.

6 whole humiliating and bewildered years of a diminished faith and an empty wallet with no pregnancy or baby to show for it.

Infertility Fucking Sucks.

I remember the emergency department at the public hospital quite well.

It's bleak white walls. The several coughs and moaning pains of its inhabitants. The imprudent attitudes of it's medical staff. The dirty shit-stained toilet. My sad pale face and sullen eyes looking back at me in the graffitied mirror.

I remember that one night. A night of cramps and pain, a deep dull ache in my soul. Bleeding black clots. Red stained underwear. A relentless memory of drinking Chinese herbs from a straw to avoid it's potent disgusting taste. A quiet and happy yet short moment of seeing 2 lines on a pregnancy stick. One night is all it took to miscarry my beloved.

One lifetime to remember.

Infertility and Loss Fucking Sucks.

Do you still want to sit there with your smugness and painted thin lips whilst your designer dressed obnoxious children play at your feet and your fruitful yet soft cock husband delivers you a chardonnay and then you both broadcast and proclaim that my husband and I should "just relax"?

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To read other blog entries, Go here
Infertility 101? Go here
Want to know what National Infertility Awareness Week is? Go here

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25th April - ANZAC DAY

"They shall not grow old, as we that are left grow old, Age shall not weary them nor the years condemn. At the going down of the sun and in the morning, we shall remember them".

LEST WE FORGET

ICLW + a Greek Orthodox Easter

Welcome ICLW! Thank you for stopping by my blog. If you would like to know a little about my IF Journey please click on the page above. I'm sure my tale will leave you with a smile after reading my 6 years battle of infertility and miscarriage.

Most Easters I remember fondly, but like Christmases gone by, Easter was also a reminder of the child I didn't have. Invited by friends or family and surrounded by children. Children I loved but were not mine. Watching their excited faces as they opened their Easter Chocolate Egg as it crumbled to their feet and smothered their cute faces. The rampant noise they made as they played with the new Autumn falling leaves. I now have that child and I look forward to his experience of Easter. My son will have his chocolate, but more so he will learn and acknoweldge its true meaning - of Christ, of Resurrection and of Christianity.

My post is simply a recipe and some humble traditions of a Greek Orthodox Easter.

Greek Easter is a week long celebration. There are no frisky bunnies in my household. Instead, there are many beautiful moments with my mother, godmother and sister dying eggs, baking bread and cleaning intestines! Loving memories of us being together gossiping and discussing life. One part I absolutely adore is dying the eggs particularly because of its meaning. The egg is seen by followers of Christianity as a symbol of resurrection. Easter eggs are dyed red to represent the blood of Christ, shed on the Cross.

The hard shell of the egg symbolises the sealed Tomb of Christ—the cracking of which symbolises his resurrection from the dead. We crack each others eggs on Easter Day and the person whose egg is still intact will have good luck for the rest of the year.

Another awesome tradition we Greeks have is cooking this amazing soup. I remember the day when I first started dating Shooter (who is from an Anglo-Celtic background) I had invited him to my family's Easter celebration. His mouth was watery when he entered the backyard and smelled the lamb roasting on the spit and the yalaktobouriko sweets baking in the oven. However he soon realised that in order to be welcomed to The Family and eventually as my spouse he would need to try the "special soup". We all hung to the moment he put spoon to mouth. Surprisingly he loved it, because in Scottish tradition, haggas resembles this soup dish.

Magiritsa Soup - (μαγειρίτσα) is a Greek soup made from lamb offal. Traditionally it is eaten to break the fast of the Greek Orthodox Great Lent, the 40 days before Easter. Its role and ingredients result from its association with the roasted lamb traditionally served at the Paschal meal. In its traditional form, Magiritsa simply consists of all the offal removed from the lamb before roasting.

Ingredients:

• 2 lb lamb heart, liver, lungs (pluck) and other organs.

• 3/4 cup rice

• 1 bunch anise and barley

• 1 lb spring onions

• 3 eggs

• 2 tbsp butter

• Lemon juice of 3 lemons

• Salt and pepper to taste

Method:

• Boil the pluck and remove the foam.

• Add salt to it and let it boil for a while.

• Take it out and keep the broth.

• Cut the pluck into small pieces and place the broth in a big pot, after passing it through a strainer.

• Cut the onions and the anise/barley into small pieces, and combine them with the broth.

• Add the pluck and the butter, mix well.

• Reduce the flame and let them boil till they are almost done.

• Add the rice to it.

• Meanwhile beat eggs in a bowl very well and then add the lemon juice gradually.

• Take some of the soup and add it slowly to the sauce.

• Repeat the process several times, beating always the sauce and add the sauce to the pot, stirring the soup slowly.

Prepared by Greeks on Holy Saturday along with the next day's lamb, Magiritsa is consumed immediately after the Pascha midnight mass.

HAPPY EASTER BEAUTIFUL BLEEPS

Coming Soon - my submission for the Bust a Infertility Myth Blog Challenge - National Infertility Awareness Week 24-30 April.



Mind Your Head Monday

MY LITTLE ONE

My little one whose tongue is dumb,

Whose fingers cannot hold to things,
Who is so mercilessly young,

He leaps upon the instant things,

I hold him not. Indeed, who could?

He runs into the burning wood.

Follow, follow if you can!

He will come out grown to a man

And not remember whom he kissed,

Who caught him by the slender wrist

And bound him by a tender yoke

Which, understanding not, he broke.

~ Tennessee Williams

And Daddy didn't hold him by the wrist.

So he tumbled onto the concrete and rolled into the bushes.

Just because he could hear Mummy coming up the street.

All excited and trying to run, stumbling closer and wanting to give me a hug.

Ouchies!

Bust an Infertility Myth Blog Challenge

National Infertility Awareness Week 24-30 April 2011

In just a few easy steps you can become part of the largest public education campaign that will bring bloggers from all parts of the sphere together to talk about infertility during National Infertility Awareness Week®, April 24-April 30, 2011. “Bust a Infertility Myth Blog Challenge” is brought to you by RESOLVE: The National Infertility Association, the largest nationwide non-profit improving the lives of people diagnosed with infertility. The goal of this challenge is to bring together bloggers from the infertility community as well as other bloggers interested in the topic to answer the question: What is the biggest infertility myth and how has it effected your life or the life of your friends and family members? Blogs can be based on your own experience with infertility, the experience of a friend or family member, or even just to explore the topic.

Here is how to participate in this challenge.

During the week of April 24th to April 30th.

Choose one “Infertility Myth to Bust” or make one of your own.

Go back to your blog and explore that “myth” in a post. Expand on the idea, tell a story, write poetry, say it with photographs–any way you want to explore that “infertility myth.” Posts can go up any time from April 24 to April 30. Please start your post by placing your chosen “infertility myth” at the top of the post.

Add a link at the bottom of your post to this url giving a basic understanding of infertility: http://www.resolve.org/infertility101 and this url giving the background of National Infertility Awareness Week® (NIAW): http://www.resolve.org/takecharge.*

Return here and fill out this survey to submit your post for award consideration. It will then appear as part of this challenge and all blogs on the list will be considered for RESOLVE’s Hope Award for Best Blog presented at the 2011 Night of Hope. RESOLVE will also be featuring a link to the blog on http://www.resolve.org/resources/infertility-2-0.html


*Your blog posts will be read by a wide range of people including possibly those in law-making positions or the media. Because they may be reading your post without a basic understanding of infertility or National Infertility Awareness Week®, we want to give everyone a quick way to read more.

You do not need to be infertile to participate. If you want to support a friend or family member and explain how you busted a infertility myth, we’d love to have you join the challenge.

If you don’t have a blog, consider starting one using Blogger and Wordpress. These are both websites that allow people (quite easily) to set up a free blog. Only blogs written by individuals (not organizations or professionals) will be considered for RESOLVE's Hope Award for Best Blog.

Promote your participation in this project on your Facebook profile or Twitter.

Tweet about your "Bust a Myth" blog submissions using #Bustamyth.

Update your Facebook profile with the link http://www.resolve.org/bustamyth  to promote your blog to your friends and family.

And make sure you come back and read the Bust a Myth posts as they go up.

FAQs about the Bust a Myth Blog Challenge:

1. What is the deadline for submitting a blog post to be eligible for the Hope Award for Best Blog?
ANSWER: You must participate in the challenge between April 24-April 30, 2011 to be considered.

2. Can you enter multiple times with links to different blogs?
ANSWER: Sure, but we’d prefer that each blog entry answer a bust a different infertility myth. The goal of this project is to educate the public so a variety of topics is most appealing.

3. Who picks the nominees for the Hope Award for Best Blog?
ANSWER: Once the project wraps up on April 30, RESOLVE staff and volunteers will look at the blogs that have been entered into the challenge. We will choose the top 5 blogs that are infertility focused whose virtual initiative and mission is to foster awareness about the disease of infertility and a positive and informative manner. Once we have 5 nominees we'll ask the RESOLVE community to vote for their favorite. We'll contact the winner in July and the winner will be invited to attend RESOLVE's Night of Hope in New York City.

4. What does RESOLVE hope to accomplish with this project?
ANSWER: RESOLVE’s goal is to increase the conversation about infertility and to inform the public that:

Infertility is a disease that affects 1 in 8 couples of reproductive age

There are many ways to build a family

Help reduce the stigma by bringing attention to the details/issues/costs surrounding all ways people diagnosed with infertility can build a family.

Understand when to seek the help of a specialist

5. How do I reach someone at RESOLVE with questions?
ANSWER: Please email your questions to info@resolve.org

In Support of Jackie O

I don't need to write anything as Amity Dry did a fabulous job. My views on this is spot on, albeit my letter would have had many expletives.

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Dear Pru Goward,


Wow, if you wanted to alienate every mother in Australia, mission accomplished! Your statement comparing Jackie O bottle-feeding her baby while walking across the road to Michael Jackson HANGING HIS BABY OVER A BALCONY was so absurd it had me wondering if it was a belated April Fools Day joke. But no, apparently you were serious. But then, if making that statement wasn’t bad enough, accepting responsibility for the opinions of every mother in the country and suggesting we too would be appalled by Jackie’s actions? Well, Pru, here’s a hot tip for you. The only mother I’m appalled by here is you.

As if Jackie wasn’t having a bad enough week, with the open letter she copped from journalist Annette Sharp. Questioning why she went back to work so early after having a baby was offensive enough and why any mother should have to justify her choices, public profile or not, is beyond me. But your comments coming on top of that must have felt like such a vicious blow, at a time of such vulnerability, I can only imagine how Jackie is feeling right now.

I have met Jackie many times over the years and she is a really lovely girl. Back in 2003 when I was doing a ton of promo for The Block and The Lighthouse we saw each other quite often. I remember one charity event we both attended where I brought my baby nephew, who was visiting from interstate. We both oohed and aahed over him, taking turns for cuddles, while agreeing we couldn’t wait to be mums ourself. I haven’t seen Jackie for many years now, but I was really happy to read the news she was pregnant, after spending so long trying to conceive. (Successful with IVF) Having experienced my own challenges in conceiving my second baby I knew how heartbreaking it was to long for a baby, so was thrilled she finally had her much longed for child.

Do you remember that feeling Pru? That excitement, nervousness, awe and trepidation of becoming a mum for the first time. Do you remember trying so hard to do everything right, in this life changing new experience, whilst feeling like your whole world had been turned upside down?

I do. So to hear Jackie’s anguished tears as she pleaded her case on her show the other day made me really angry. How horrible that this amazing time in her life should be hijacked, by judgemental and nasty comments from women who should know better. And why should she have to explain herself to anyone? Is her baby in danger, neglected, malnourished, abused? No. Although plenty of babies across the country are Pru, as you well know (considering your position as NSW families minister). Yet the actions of their parents aren’t held up to public criticism at all, because they are protected by laws that withhold their identities. Perhaps you could spend your time looking into that, instead of focusing on a clearly loving and competent mother, who happens to work in the spotlight. It astounds me, as mothers yourselves, that you would want to contribute in any way to the pressure and uncertainty that every new mum already feels, by publicly questioning the personal choices Jackie has made.

And lets look at those choices for a moment. Returning to work after 8 weeks, in a studio set up in her home so that her baby is always with her. Um, wouldn’t this be considered an ideal, if not FANTASTIC arrangement for most new mums and their babies? Being able to continue to work without having to get out of your pjs and leave the house, or your baby, would seem like a best-case scenario for most working mums. But even if Jackie had returned to the office at 8 weeks, as some mothers have to do, or choose to do, isn’t that HER BUSINESS?

So onto the second accusation, walking across the road whilst bottle-feeding her baby, which you suggested was ‘unnecessarily cavalier.’ Unnecessarily cavalier? Was she attempting to get her 3 month old to walk across the road herself? Was she dodging traffic while holding her baby in one arm and a bottle of gin in the other? That would be unnecessarily cavalier. But feeding her while walking? For gods sake.

I have to say, I have breastfed my baby in some pretty bizarre situations. In fact, the moments I’ve spent serenely focusing all my attention on her whilst breastfeeding in an upright feeding chair have been few and far between. Instead, I have balanced her on my lap whilst writing this blog, held my iphone over her head to check my emails and begged her to stop stuffing around and hurry up and finish because I had to get to rehearsal. Is this unnecessarily cavalier Pru? Does this picture not represent the ‘perfect’ image of devoted motherhood we are expected to fulfill, therefore making me a bad mother?

Because if that’s the case, we’re all bad mothers. Every single one of us who are just trying to get through the day, trying to fit it all in, trying to be everything to everybody and trying to do our best at a job that has no rules and never ends. So wouldn’t it make it a lot easier for all of us if we supported and embraced one other during this challenging new experience, instead of judging from the sidelines? Aren’t the demands of new motherhood enough without having to fend off public attacks from other women, who should get it themselves?

Pru, you have spoken for other mothers everywhere in your comments to Jackie, so I’m going to do the same.

Jackie, on behalf of sane mothers across the country, we support you. We recognise you’re doing the best you can, just like we all are, and we wish you and your precious baby Kitty all the best in your new lives together. This should be one of the happiest (yet sleepiest) times of your life, so we hope you can put this ridiculous situation aside and get on with the joy of falling in love with each other.

Do you agree that Pru Goward overstepped the line? Comment on Amity's blog.

Amity Dry is a writer, composer, singer and mum of two. She blogs for Essential Baby and is the writer and composer of ‘Mother, Wife and the Complicated Life,’ a new musical that takes a raw and honest look at marriage and motherhood. Follow Amity on Twitter.

Jackie O is a radio DJ with daughter Kitty