Friday, May 27, 2011

"Take It, If You Must, This Little Bag of Dreams"

My bum is still fat. Sitting on this hard surface of a public transport train seat is more comfortable with a cushiony arse. Looking out the dirty windows as I depart home, leaving the tree covered hills behind. The brown fallen leaves rustle and the frosty chill of Autumn weather hugs me. It's nice sitting here. So quiet. A seat to myself to sprawl on. The carriage is empty - I pick my nose, finger the Best n Less undies out of my crack, daydream about handsome naked men and sipping cocktails by a lagoon. No interruption apart from an abrupt wake up of the train guards inaudible announcement.

Did I tell you it was quiet?

No kid here. Here no kid.

The parentals packed up their tiny City flat and moved to my neck of the woods. Post-retirement for the two of them so they can be close to their grandson. A grandson my mum babysat after hauling him and travelling nearly 2 hours to get to her home in the City. Now it's a 20 minute walk. Down the road, turn right and we are at their cottage style home with petunia's greeting you in the front garden.

How fucking great is that?

But today's post is actually about my bag. It sits beside me on the train seat. My mate for one and a half whole years. A nappy backpack. It still contains the contents of a nappy, wipes, a dummy and bum lotion. My diary, my medications, books, wallet, deodorant, old train tickets, pens, Libra pads and lip gloss. Scattered items I haven't bothered to throw out.

I'm a part time working woman now with no toddler travelling with me. Most items in this bag are irrelevant. When I was pregnant I indulged in an Oi Oi Nappy Bag that set me back $220. I used it for 3 months. It was useless. Bulky, impractical. Gorgeous but stupid. The strap hurt my arm. It unbalanced me as I held the kid. It stuck out hanging on the pram. Fucking annoying expensive yet gorgeous piece of crap.

The backpack was cheap and functional. I carried it on my back or hung it from the pram and it suited my lifestyle. I will still use it now till the kid starts using a toilet. It will continue to accompany us when we go out to visit friends or play at the park or go shopping.

So I need a new bag for work. Something conducive yet cool. Something to go with my youth worker attitude. Funky jeans and black tops. Zierra shoes and long brown hair with a touch of cherry lip gloss.

I feel like this chick flooded with too many options. Or is it a bloke? Nevermind.

If you have any suggestions, let me know. Unless someone wants to buy me this Chanel Diamond Encrusted number.

What the flying fuck is this?

Louis Vuitton Urban Satchel Tote Bag.

Apparently it's in the Top 10 of the most expensive bags in the world. I can make this myself - someone pass me the Winnie Blues and used tampons.

Friday, May 20, 2011

The Infertility Handbook

I get this question asked very often.

Why do you still associate yourself with infertile?

Before I could answer, I get the torrent of ignorant and discerning judgements thrown at me. "You have a kid now, your posts should be about raindrops, lollipops and soft cuddly squishy kittens." In fact Shooter himself raised his eyebrows once at me when I mentioned that some of my posts are IF related.

It's like all of a fucking sudden I'm supposed to ignore or forget.

I don't thrust myself in the IF community. On the contrary my Top Blogs are a colourful mixture of motherhood, humour, fashion, art and IF (pre & post) I comment on them often.

Am I supposed to just sit back and pretend that all went well in my life? Especially the hardest and toughest challenge in my life?

My contribution to IF these days are my few random posts which are a reminder yet therapy for letting go of the anger, guilt and sadness. However IF changed me. It also provided me with some positives too. I know that I am a better person - stronger, patient, humorous. IF also provided me with some very special friends. Some over the trenches, some still within enemy lines. Letting go of IF means letting go of them.

That. Will. Never. Happen.

So you ask a question I can not really answer. IF was and is part of my life. How can I look at my son now and not remember nor acknowledge what I went through? I'm not bitter anymore. However the information I have built over these years - from the best angle of jabbing needles in to a flabby tummy to the creamy delicacies of the vag - How can I not share this priceless knowledge?

I was infertile. But I am still part of a wonderful community.

To honour my pledge to help those still in the trenches, I'm having a book giveaway.

The Infertility Handbook by Angela Hutchins

"This is the essential reference book for couples diagnosed with infertility. It covers everything from understanding your reproductive cycle to what your options are if a biological child is not possible. The causes of infertility — both male and female — are examined, treatment options are explained, and a wide range of support services is included. Where appropriate, chapters include focus boxes written by a leading expert in the relevant field. Importantly, The Infertility Handbook is written clearly and simply with the sensitivity and knowledge of a person who has been there. It aims to provide options at a time when people may feel they have none and understanding at a time when people can often feel cut off from their normal support network."

I highly recommend Angela's book. She is a fellow Australian and her IF journey scarily resembles mine in many ways - 6 years of IF, unsuccessful IVF and FET's, miscarriages and now 2 children as a result of Chinese herbs.

If you would like to win this book, all you have to do is the following:

1. Become a follower.
2. Leave me a comment.

Simple. Even if you are not experiencing IF or embarking on assisted reproductive treatments, maybe someone you know may appreciate and benefit from reading this. The winner will be randomly picked from a bit of paper in a hat. Nothing fancy.

Competition ends Friday, 3rd June 2011.

(Please note, if you are not from Australia or New Zealand some sections will not be relevant as it lists organisations and services within these countries)

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

A SHOUT OUT to these amazing IF women

Chon  - who is one vein away from having a blood test to confirm whether her recent FET was successful.
Tee - Is hoping her fat arse is a result from the effects of her first official Clomid cycle and the old cow aunt flow stays the fuck away.
New Year Mum - is nursing a cold and worried that her recent FET will be affected by this virus.
Ants- who recently got her Big Fat Positive after IVF is experiencing bleeding, however each blood test and scan shows a healthy bean but the fear and anxiety still lingers.
Haidee - who is in the single digits and counting down to the birth of her first child after IVF.
Krista - who recently got a chemical pregnancy and is taking time off the blogs and reassessing her journey
TasiIVFer - who is reaching her milestones day by day and is currently 27 weeks pregnant after 15 stim IVF cycles and a donor egg.


To NIK - for her recent positive pregnancy test after IVF and HONEY - for the birth of her son, a miracle after several IVF's and miscarriages.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

"The great question that has never been answered, and which I have not yet been able to answer, despite my thirty years of research into the feminine soul, is What does a woman want?" ~ Sigmund Freud

"A fucking baby Sigmund" ~ A Field of Dreams

Thursday, May 19, 2011

Haidee's Gifts - A Virtual Baby Shower

Welcome to my humble abode.

Here have some melomakarona. Greek Honey Cookies made from walnuts. Melomakarona (Mελομακάρονα) are a traditional Greek biscuit that are usually given to guests after a baby is born. Most Greeks don't visit you in hospital, they prefer the comfort of your home, a sticky beak into the gifts you have already received and a warm beverage.

Delicious? You can view the recipe here

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Dear Haidee,
We would all love to wish you the safe arrival of your son.
May he be born sweet, kind, healthy and beautiful just like you.

Gifts from your friends in the blogosphere:


A poem:

"God made a wonderful mother,
A mother who never grows old;
He made her smile of the sunshine,
And He moulded her heart of pure gold;
In her eyes He placed bright shining stars,
In her cheeks fair roses you see;
God made a wonderful mother,
And He gave that dear mother to me"
~ Pat O'Reilly

The BEST book of all time
Printed in 1969.
Regardless of the baby's age,
reading him a book is great in setting up a sleep routine.

UGG Boots for bub - An Australian gift.
A voucher for 'Victoria's Secrets'
because even if you are post-pregnancy,
you should feel sexy and beautiful all the time.


Claudia's Gifts:

The popular BUMBO!

Flanelette sheets for those cold New Zealand nights.

Just for you - Strawberries dipped in chocolate.

Thank you to everyone who participated in Haidee's Virtual Baby Shower.
Haidee experienced infertility for 3 years and after 3 cycles of IVF she will finally be welcoming her son in July 2011.

To read Haidee's journey, please go to her blog:
MAYBE BABY...(or Maybe the Loony Bin)?

You can still participate by leaving your link in the comments section!

Wednesday, May 4, 2011

Haidee's Virtual Baby Shower - UPDATE

This is a reminder to RSVP to this event by tonight! The blog links to Haidee's Virtual Baby Shower will be up around Thursday, 19th May (AEST).
Please also let me know if you can no longer participate by comment or email.
Thank you!
My Super Special virtual friend Haidee from Maybe Baby... (or Maybe the Loony Bin?) is expecting her first child in July. A fellow IFer who experienced 3 years of infertility and 3 cycles of IVF will finally welcome her son. I have known Haidee now for a few years after we met in cyberspace on a baby and trying to conceive forum.  I was already a veteran at trying to conceive, in fact I only joined the forum when all of my failed assisted conception treatments were over and done with and I had gone on a break and was trying naturally again with the help of Chinese herbs. She was beginning her journey. Haidee was one of a few wonderful women who made the effort on a regular basis to reply to my comments or questions and always kept in touch with advice and support, even after I graduated to motherhood. She truly is a compassionate, supportive and caring person and most especially a beautiful friend.

I also know that she has touched many other women during their own IF journey.

I can't wait to meet you In Real Life Haidee.

I am proud and honoured to host her Virtual Baby Shower. Please show your support for this amazing person and also participate in this Virtual Baby Shower.

1. Please leave a comment on this blog post OR email me at:  and let me know that you are participating/RSVPing to the event. You have till the 16th May (AEST) to let me know. Provide your blog link and any questions you may have.

2. As this is Virtual, all you need to do is pick a gift(s). On the 19th May (AEST) put up a blog post that is dedicated to Haidee's Baby Shower. Your gift could be anything. A photo of baby clothes, a poem, a recipe/picture of your favourite sweet, a picture of a cigar for her husband. Anything creative or unique. Remember as this is "Virtual" there is no budget limit.

3. On the 19th May (AEST) I will provide all your blog links on my blog. This will allow Haidee to link to your blog posts and "receive" her gifts.  Please also take the time to visit these blogs yourself and have a gander at what everyone else has given.

If you do not have a blog, I am happy to host it for you along with mine. Please let me know.

Looking forward to hosting this for a very special friend. Please make the effort to participate as it's also an opportunity to network and follow other bloggers.

Thank you!

Monday, May 2, 2011

Reflections, An Award and a Virtual Baby Shower

Thank you to all who participated in National Infertility Awareness Week. I've been enjoying reading all the posts floating out there. You can continue reading and supporting other Bust A Myth Blog Submissions at any time, click here.

Although this was not an Australian event, I felt compelled to submit my slice for this amazing and supportive community. Thank you to the bleeps who also made the effort and commented on my post. I must say that my head grows a few inches when comments to me are so full of praise and encouragement. However, I would love to know from bleeps who have not experienced IF what your thoughts and opinions are regarding my post or others you have read. It will be interesting to learn whether any myths were busted or what your take is on this community.

I wanted to also add that the last paragraph written Really. Did. Happen. The couple (of all people) are my brother in law and his wife. 2 people who were very aware of my infertility struggle and miscarriage. In fact, their third child was born the same day of my miscarriage which they ignored when they broadcasted the birth to us. Insensitive and careless arseholes.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

I'm also very blessed and humbled. 5 inspiring and talented bloggers have awarded me with this Award:

Thank you to Tee from InfertiliTEE, New Year Mum from A Year On... Our New Beginning (Hopefully), Ants from Making Baby Giraffes, C from As Good As It Gets? and Pursuing Parenthood. Please check out their blogs for they provide me with some valuable support and inspiration.

Sorry I've been slack in acknowledging this award sooner. I've been in a rut and can't even begin to think of something useful, let alone as the rules state, 7 things about me. However, here's something interesting about me. I'm a Pisces and this summarises me perfectly:

"Pisceans possess a gentle, patient, malleable nature. They have many generous qualities and are friendly, good natured, kind and compassionate, sensitive to the feelings of those around them, and respond with the utmost sympathy and tact to any suffering they encounter. They are deservedly popular with all kinds of people, partly because their easygoing, affectionate natures offer no threat or challenge to stronger and more exuberant characters. They accept the people around them and the circumstances in which they find themselves rather than trying to adapt them to suit themselves. They are more readily concerned with the problems of others than with their own."

Fucking oath. That's me.

Consequently, I award those on my Top Blogs list rather than choosing 10 blogs or is it 15 or 25? Check the side bar. Yeah yeah, lazy arse slacker that I am. Boo Fucking Hoo. "I vow to be a better blogger when I displace the proverbial stick out of my bum."

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Now lets get to the best part of this blog post.

My super gorgeous and super special virtual friend Haidee from Maybe Baby... (or Maybe the Loony Bin?) is expecting her first child. A fellow IFer who experienced 3 years of infertility and 3 cycles of IVF will finally welcome her son in July 2011. I first met Haidee on an online forum a few years ago. I was already a veteran at trying to conceive. She was starting out. Our differences connected us, but as a result we now share similar experiences. I see her as a true friend. Compassionate, supportive, caring and non-judgemental. One day I will finally meet and visit her and her baby in New Zealand. One day...

I am proud and honoured to host her Virtual Baby Shower.

This is how it's going to work. Please read the following if you have also linked in from Haidee's blog and would like to participate:

1. Email me at and let me know that you are participating/RSVPing to the event. Put "Haidee's Virtual Baby Shower" in the subject section. You have 2 weeks to do so. Deadline is the 16th May (AEST). Please provide your blog link only and any questions you may have.

2. Pick a gift, any special gift(s) you would love to give to Haidee. It could be a picture/photo of an item of baby clothing from your favourite store, a photo/recipe of food or sweets you would put on the buffet table for us to share, or something completely unique for either baby or Haidee. Be as creative as you like.

3. On the 19th May (AEST) I will paste all your blog links on my blog. This will allow Haidee to let loose and link/explore/receive her gifts at her leisure. Please have your blog post available on this date dedicating it to Haidee for her Virtual Baby Shower. Please also take the time to visit these blogs and have a gander at what everyone else has given.

If you do not have a blog, I am happy to host it for you along with mine. Please let me know by email.

That's All Folks.

Looking forward to hosting this for a beautiful person. I can't wait to see all the gifts! (Excuse the mess when you come over. The Boy has taken to yoghurt drawings on the walls)