Friday, May 20, 2011

The Infertility Handbook

I get this question asked very often.

Why do you still associate yourself with infertile?

Before I could answer, I get the torrent of ignorant and discerning judgements thrown at me. "You have a kid now, your posts should be about raindrops, lollipops and soft cuddly squishy kittens." In fact Shooter himself raised his eyebrows once at me when I mentioned that some of my posts are IF related.

It's like all of a fucking sudden I'm supposed to ignore or forget.

I don't thrust myself in the IF community. On the contrary my Top Blogs are a colourful mixture of motherhood, humour, fashion, art and IF (pre & post) I comment on them often.

Am I supposed to just sit back and pretend that all went well in my life? Especially the hardest and toughest challenge in my life?

My contribution to IF these days are my few random posts which are a reminder yet therapy for letting go of the anger, guilt and sadness. However IF changed me. It also provided me with some positives too. I know that I am a better person - stronger, patient, humorous. IF also provided me with some very special friends. Some over the trenches, some still within enemy lines. Letting go of IF means letting go of them.

That. Will. Never. Happen.

So you ask a question I can not really answer. IF was and is part of my life. How can I look at my son now and not remember nor acknowledge what I went through? I'm not bitter anymore. However the information I have built over these years - from the best angle of jabbing needles in to a flabby tummy to the creamy delicacies of the vag - How can I not share this priceless knowledge?

I was infertile. But I am still part of a wonderful community.

To honour my pledge to help those still in the trenches, I'm having a book giveaway.

The Infertility Handbook by Angela Hutchins

"This is the essential reference book for couples diagnosed with infertility. It covers everything from understanding your reproductive cycle to what your options are if a biological child is not possible. The causes of infertility — both male and female — are examined, treatment options are explained, and a wide range of support services is included. Where appropriate, chapters include focus boxes written by a leading expert in the relevant field. Importantly, The Infertility Handbook is written clearly and simply with the sensitivity and knowledge of a person who has been there. It aims to provide options at a time when people may feel they have none and understanding at a time when people can often feel cut off from their normal support network."

I highly recommend Angela's book. She is a fellow Australian and her IF journey scarily resembles mine in many ways - 6 years of IF, unsuccessful IVF and FET's, miscarriages and now 2 children as a result of Chinese herbs.

If you would like to win this book, all you have to do is the following:

1. Become a follower.
2. Leave me a comment.

Simple. Even if you are not experiencing IF or embarking on assisted reproductive treatments, maybe someone you know may appreciate and benefit from reading this. The winner will be randomly picked from a bit of paper in a hat. Nothing fancy.

Competition ends Friday, 3rd June 2011.

(Please note, if you are not from Australia or New Zealand some sections will not be relevant as it lists organisations and services within these countries)

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

A SHOUT OUT to these amazing IF women

Chon  - who is one vein away from having a blood test to confirm whether her recent FET was successful.
Tee - Is hoping her fat arse is a result from the effects of her first official Clomid cycle and the old cow aunt flow stays the fuck away.
New Year Mum - is nursing a cold and worried that her recent FET will be affected by this virus.
Ants- who recently got her Big Fat Positive after IVF is experiencing bleeding, however each blood test and scan shows a healthy bean but the fear and anxiety still lingers.
Haidee - who is in the single digits and counting down to the birth of her first child after IVF.
Krista - who recently got a chemical pregnancy and is taking time off the blogs and reassessing her journey
TasiIVFer - who is reaching her milestones day by day and is currently 27 weeks pregnant after 15 stim IVF cycles and a donor egg.


To NIK - for her recent positive pregnancy test after IVF and HONEY - for the birth of her son, a miracle after several IVF's and miscarriages.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

"The great question that has never been answered, and which I have not yet been able to answer, despite my thirty years of research into the feminine soul, is What does a woman want?" ~ Sigmund Freud

"A fucking baby Sigmund" ~ A Field of Dreams


  1. I'm not going to enter your giveaway, as I don't think you want to mail the book to the US. But I wanted to say that this is why you (and I) blog - because the readers in this comunity *get it*. We can post about ordinary mommy things some days and identify as infertiles other days. And that's okay.

  2. Oh my when you write a post you fkn nail it Athena. Brilliant, insightful and honest as always. Thanks for the shout out. I agree with all of the above. Well except I am not on the other side. YET. I hope to be really fucking soon. If it is ok I am going to steal your quote and answer and do a simple blog post today. mwah xx

  3. I totally understand where you are coming from. I didn't consider myself infertile, until trying for #2. For a while, I lurked around blogs trying to figure out if it was ok to feel like an infertile after having a child. If it weren't for this community, I don't know how I would have gotten out of bed for the last year. I love your blog!

  4. I WILL mail the book anywhere in the world if you enter from overseas. The book is worth $50 that I got for free, so a few dollars out of my pocket for postage is ok with me.

  5. Im expected not to talk about being infertile too. I wont enter your giveaway but i wanted to comment. It took me 2 & 1/2 years an angel baby and fertility treatment with our 1st then 2 angel babies to get our 2nd. We were blessed to have our 3rd just happen. With my first 2 they were the most trying times of my life. While im not infertile i have 3 angel babies and a whole lot of painful months of BFN. Your entitled to talk about it whenever you want.

  6. I think what you write is amazing, I have been following you, maybe baby and making baby giraffe for a wee while now. I just love the way you can all tell a story about your journeys.I have just gotten my BFP a few weeks ago and I love the support you and other ladies give me via blogs and forums, some days I wouldnt know what to do.

    Love Rosiefarmer xx

  7. Can I please correct you... I said FART ARSE, not FAT ARSE! Ha ha.. Im bloated and full of air, fluid or shit. Not sure.

    Seriously, I love this post. You are right. When I do beat this fckn prick of SIF I will tell anyone who listens how long it took to get a baby. One baby from being fertile, one baby from being infertile, thats the plan anyway.

    Just because someone has a child, just because someone is pregnant, does not mean that they are suddenly fertile.

  8. I can't imagine something that's been suck a huge, ginormous part of my life and impacted everything I've done for so many years to suddenly have an 'off' switch! How lovely for those people who've not experienced it and are clueless. :-/

    Great quote - but my thought when I read it was that really, if I have a bub it will be a non-fucking baby - it was all quite clinical and no fucking involved.

  9. Love that quote !!.... soooo true :)) You're an amazing inspiration to all of us... and so generous to share your IF experience and support us all going through it. Thanks hun for the shout-out... it's cheered up my miserable couch-sitting day :)) Love always xoxo

  10. Thanks for that wonderful quote and to acknowledge to those still not holding their bundle of joy and knowing that things dont change when you get your bundle of joy..that you never forget the journey you endured to get that baby..and that society should not assume you are now fertile....I would love to enter competition for the book as Im still on my first IVF cycle....and every test along this cycle every appointment there is overwhelm of information and that next appointment will always change your journey....

  11. Your post is very true, just because you have a baby doesn't mean you are no longer infertile. We will never forget what it took to get to where we are :)

  12. I confess ... I love tasivfer's addendum to your quote. ;) But yes, I'm more or less in the same place you are ... I can't leave this community behind, or that identity ... and I wouldn't want to. I am changed, as a woman and as a parent. For the better.

  13. I think you are an inspirational woman and love visiting your blog!
    I have four children now but I will never let go nor forget about all of my infertility issues. It's apart of me. Makes me the mother I am today.

  14. So much we have to go though to become mum's and one day I will get there. It may take a million different tests and alot of poking and prodding, tears and heartache, but I will be all the stronger mum when it finally happens :)

  15. The scars from our past are what make us who are today. You are amazing and I love how you just F-in own it! (Please don't enter me in the contest -- don't want to take away a chance for someone deserving. I just had to comment!

  16. Pretty excited to read your blog :) I also agree with your other commenters - we are your people, and you are one of our people, regardless of the stage we are all at within the IF scope.

  17. Excited to read your blog. I am new GFC follower.

  18. Commenting for the give away. Really interested in getting to know your blog.

  19. The book sounds fascinating! I want in on the competition!


Grace was in all her steps, Heaven in her Eye, In every gesture dignity and love" ~ John Milton. Thank you for your comments.