Monday, January 17, 2011

How Precious Life Is

I read this amazing post today from Good Golly Miss Holly. She has inspired me to not take life for granted and truly enjoy, believe and be conscious by the great things I already have in my life. I dwell on the negatives way too often. Some things I have absolutely no control over.

Ke Sera Sera.

The devastation in Queensland with the flash floods left me numb. I am protected by living in my humble abode in Sydney with only my TV to relay the news of what has occurred. I will never comprehend how it feels to have your home brutalised and destroyed. Your possessions tossed like rag dolls and mushed in a pile of muggy muddy shit. I never want to feel the grief of an untimely death of a loved one. Someone precious in my life.

The depredation of this beautiful state has contrived me to ponder an issue that has been disco-dancing in my head for an enduring time. An issue so infinitesimal to what has occurred in Queensland but a connection nonetheless. I've been meaning to write a post about One Child Families. A situation more than likely to be my fate as a mother. I have extensively laboured over this issue. Will Callum be an only child? How will this affect his life? 3 factors rule this decision. Yes it is a decision - although I think I still have a functioning reproductive system, these factors still contribute to the finite conclusion. Financial, Physical and Mental.

Financial - Shooter and I are not 'well off'. I work part time and contribute to the household income. A job I enjoy and I am proud to have. Adding a second child will mean the possibility of not having a second income or a whole lot of added pressure to my ageing mother who already looks after Callum on the days I work. Physically I'm getting older, turning 38 soon. This only signifies the impending doom of old decrepit woman sitting on a porch chain smoking  decline of my reproductive system and the high risk of a child with disabilities being conceived. As well as my war against fat, diabetes and the overall dissolution of my health. Ultimately, "mental" has several hands. I aint no looney (some friends and family may disagree) but there's No. Fucking. Way that I have the strength to tackle IF again. I duly crown those mighty women who battle secondary infertility. One I've met recently, her blog - InfertiliTEE - you are a LEGEND darling and bloggers she is in need of some hugs today. I will not, I can not, I shall not go down that path again. My journey ended with Callum. And fuck off to the ones who might think about commenting that the second one might come easier. There is no truth to that old-wives tale, just ignorance and wishful thinking.

The connection you ask? As Shooter and I are lowered into the ground, a Greek poem by Homer is read and bagpipes playing in the background of a quaint little church. Our dear son farewells us - who will be there for him? There have been no siblings to play with him, no brother to share first base stories with, no little sister to rescue from her first boyfriend. Some distant cousins who don't give a flying fuck maybe. A community comes together to help each other in need and to lift each others human spirit and then they go home. But "a family is the most important thing in the world", Princess Diana once said.

Hope comes in various manifestations.

I hope Callum understands why his god-sister is the closest to a sibling he ever had. I hope he acknowledges my struggles and frustrations with this selfish controversy. I hope he finds someone who loves him completely, passionately and deservedly. Fundamentally, I hope he strengthens our family.

I will not let this issue consume me. I will be grateful that I at least have a child. I will be guiless in the beauty and achievements I have. I will love unconditionally. I know how precious life is and will never denounce it.

What will be will be.


What are your thoughts on One Child Families?

Have you been in this situation?


To donate to the Queensland Flood Relief Appeal - Click here


  1. Such a touching post. Callum will be loved and well looked after by two parents who absolutely and utterly adore him. That is the most important thing. Your decision must be what is in the best interests of your family and if not having a second child is the best thing for your family, then I am sure that Callum will not miss out on anything, and if there was ever any question, one day he will understand what you had to go through to even have him, and be absolutely amazed and awed at how much he was wanted and loved.

  2. I got very emotional reading this. To decide to be a single parent family takes a lot of will power. I can't say that I could do it. I think I would just not use any protection and hope for the best. And besides callum will know that he is loved and he will have other family around him. My MIL is a single parent and sometimes she wishes she had brothers and sisters but 99% of the time she doesn't give a pooey about it. Thinking of you xoxo

  3. I have been avoiding this post as I knew CW cried from it. The title freaked me out. And I'm glad I put myself in a public place to read it as I'm trying my hardest not to lay on the ground and bawl.

    Actually I will write more later

  4. Girls - Thankyou for your comments and most especially your support.

  5. You write so well. I feel the emotions behind your words.

    Bella says it all - Callum will be loved and well looked after by 2 wonderful parents and from your love he will learn to love others. No matter what the future may bring he will always be surrounded by love.

  6. You have a beautiful gift of putting things into perspective and knowing what is right for you and your family. As a never-ending-people-pleaser, I admire that in others! Your son is a very lucky boy~ (Glad we met thru ICLW.)

  7. I don't think that Callum will "miss out" at all ... he has parents who love him (but don't spoil him rotten as an "only"), a god-sister who may be closer to him than a sibling would have been, and he will have friends who become family. So much of family is made, not given, especially as we move into adolescence and adulthood. Blogging, in some ways, is a prime example ... I feel as if I have sisters now, though I never had one growing up.

    I wanted to thank you for your beautiful, wonderful gift ... the honey cookies look absolutely amazing, and I love the way you describe how so many friends and family members turn up to visit a new baby. I have been so fortunate to find this community ... I feel, really, like you all have carried me along through these long months, helping me to arrive where I am now, on the brink of our second child's birth.

    Hugs to you; I wish I could invite you over for a real cup of tea and cookies!!

  8. Thanks for dropping by and commenting on my blog. Your post touched my heart, because am going through something very similar in my life. Looks like my son too is going to a an only child. I so wanted two kids.

    PS:Looks like our kids were born a week apart!

  9. Athena this post was me facing my biggest demon. My mum is one of 10, I am the eldest of 5, so having a lone child was not in my vocab, let alone a choice. But, I am forever thankful and recognize how precious my son is. I'm having a puzzle session right now and am inbetween puzzles. I've had to face the se realization that he may be our only. And to think he was conceived from a drunken night out! I make myself sick! I've learnt from IF that an only child will be ok. An only child will be happy. An only child will be normal. So what, I won't have a picked fence, will just put in a hedge instead. Nothing is normal these days, and farck he will have an inheritance other kids would kill for! And if you want some hand-me-downs for Callum, his little mate Bodhi has a heap to give to an adopted brother from IF mums. Brothers of circumstance..

    And thank you for the shout out hug, I have been on the shitest black ice on the road and think I've passed the phase and hoping for a clean smooth drive for a while. I love you girls...

    Tee xo

  10. I am just beginning to ponder this question. Two has always been our goal, but with our precious girl here now, I wonder if I have it in me to face the IF and RPL monsters again, and I wonder if wanting a second halfling is being greedy. But then I think about the fact that there is only one of her and two of us... who will help her to care for us when we are old and decrepit?

    *sigh* Things to ponder...

  11. Thanks for visiting my blog, and good luck wherever the journey takes you. I think that as a few others said, you don't *have* to spoil him like an only (personally, I probably would, but maybe you're stronger than me), and he will have others he's close to. I think the important thing is to have lots of people in his life, whether they're siblings or what. My son will probably have sibling(s). But he has no cousins, and that worries me. What can I do? He'll turn out fine, and so will yours.

  12. Here from ICLW. Thank you for the link to Good Golly Miss Holly's post. Beautiful. I have no real thougths about siblings other than that siblings don't always turn out the way parents expect them to. I haven't spoken to my brother in years (despite many attempts on my part to bridge the gap--he's just not interested, I guess). So while I have a sibling, I also do not have a sibling.

    People create their own communities anyway, and often, it's the non-family community members who we all love the most anyway, right?


Grace was in all her steps, Heaven in her Eye, In every gesture dignity and love" ~ John Milton. Thank you for your comments.